The lost letter

Before I met you, I lurched in the darkness. 

My heart fought my mind so you can take part in my life.

My heart triumph was your bliss.

For someone who chooses to always forget events, I committed that scene in my memory. But I’ll not go over describing that physicality when you finally conquered me.

I knew more than love, you were elated because you felt like a hero saving one damned soul from the dark.

We were happy.

Happiness - I profoundly learned and understood the meaning of that word.

I was consumed. I became an addict. 

I grope tight. I held you with the intention of keeping you forever. 

I was like that because you’ve been my freedom.

But the time I felt free was the time you felt restricted. 

And you planned to break loose from what you called a jail. 

I let you go. I don’t have a choice. 

Then you came back.

You were the light I savored with close eyes. But I was changed. Yes, your light was more than welcome, but I learned to enjoy it with open eyes.

It was a bad idea - the first from all the wrong ideas that follow-because I became careless. I overlooked that you detest questions and repetitive ones at that.

I justified my actions; I’m good at that. 

Because the dark that I used to love was something I became to fear.  

The reason was intolerable. We fought a lot. 

But separation had never been an option because despite the situation we remained in love, really in love.

The sunflower – to mention it now will make no difference but it did a lot before.

I used to get comfort from anger. So when you did all those terrible things, I thought, do more until I get suffocated from rage, be consoled from it, so I can let you be. 

However, the things that I’m very familiar with before became all aliens to me.

Anger never gets me better. 

The thought of revenge never makes my days at peace. 

So now, I forgive you and I wish you happiness. 

Do breath now freely.

Maybe that will bring a domino effect and ill be one of the lucky pieces.

Goodbye light. 

I might welcome the dark again, but I dreaded it now. 

Or maybe I’ll just grab that another light-pretender in the horizon.

Maybe, when the time arrives that I can risk again, I’ll go for it all. 

For now, I’ll take comfort in the gray zone. 

Bye.